Managing Expectations

Ever found yourself so tied up in expectations that reality becomes a bitter pill to swallow? Dealing with this struggle has been a part of my personal journey, and this week, we're going to explore how to manage these expectations as a key step in reinvention. We'll delve into the psychology behind how expectations are formed and why we often anchor ourselves to them, even when they seem unattainable. I'll share some useful research, personal stories, and tips for setting expectations that are grounded in reality, and how to practice positive self-talk to keep ourselves on track. Remember, it's not about rushing the process, but about giving ourselves the grace and time to navigate through it.

But what happens when our reality doesn't live up to our expectations? I'll be candid – disappointment and frustration can be tough to swallow, but accepting them is crucial in our journey of reinvention. We'll discuss how to find value in our current situations, regardless of how they compare to our expectations and I'll share some of my own experiences and insights on how to do this. After all, it's not the destination, but the journey that truly counts. So, prepare to embrace the rollercoaster of emotions, let go of what holds you back and continue moving forward.

Host: Julie Basello (Basello Media)
Email: juliebasello@gmail.com
http://www.juliebasello.com

Chapters

• 0:03 Exploring Reinvention and Managing Expectations
• 9:16 Accepting Emotions and Letting Go

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Have you ever wanted to start over, to reinvent yourself? Reinvention is something we all do at some point in our lives. Sometimes it's simple, sometimes it's complicated, but it's often necessary to lead a fulfilling life, and it's always interesting. I'm your host, julie Bassello. Join me for some inspiration, as I share reinvention stories, tips and tricks from real people just like you. Let's explore reinvention adventures together. Hey, it's Julie. Welcome to another episode of my podcast. Yes, there's been a rebrand. It's now called Reinvention Adventures. As much as I really like the name hey it's Julie from a marketing perspective it just wasn't illustrative enough.

Speaker 1: 0:46

I've made it a goal to focus on reinvention tips, tricks and stories, and I figured this title might actually be a bit more descriptive with regard to the actual podcast content. So here we are Name host, same podcast, new name and slightly new branding. Woohoo, in between interviews that share reinvention stories, I'm including episodes that focus on reinvention tips and tricks. These are episodes that talk about different things that may be a factor in a reinvention journey and how best to navigate said things. I'm not only sharing my own insights, although I've definitely been through a reinvention or two, I'm also sharing research and information from other places, as well as one other small piece of business. This podcast is sponsored by Bicello Media. Bicello Media is my content creation company that supports small businesses with their content needs. Websites, social media, podcasting all require content, and Bicello Media can help your small business navigate the process. We also edit and produce podcasts for small businesses. If you find yourself short on content or want to reinvent yourself, see what I did there with a new podcast for your brand let's talk. For more information, visit juliebicellocom. That's J-U-L-I-E-B-A-S-E-L-L-Ocom.

Speaker 1: 2:00

And now let's dive into today's topic in our Reinvention Toolkit. That topic is managing expectations. Managing expectations can be challenging in all aspects of our lives. I'm dealing with some struggles with this myself and my personal life right now. When it comes to managing expectations around a reinvention, the challenge is real.

Speaker 1: 2:18

When you begin your journey towards reinvention whether it's a career change or a personal change you'll likely begin picturing your outcome. You'll ask yourself what will the result be of this new experience? When you ask that, a picture of what the result will be will pop into your head, that's basically creating an expectation. An expectation is a belief we hold on to about how something will turn out. Often, that belief is tied in our mind to our own happiness with the outcome. Expectations come from our experiences. Although that can help our expectations to be realistic, it's important to note that, even though you may have been in a similar situation before, all situations are different. What worked out before may just not work out the same way this time.

Speaker 1: 2:58

And back to the happiness thing. People are notoriously bad at predicting what will make them happy. We get attached to the idea of something and we think it will make us happy. Then something different occurs and we end up okay in the long run without the original outcome we thought would make us happy. This happens a lot. Does it happen to you? It's definitely happened to me.

Speaker 1: 3:18

We as humans sometimes become so attached to our expectations that we're unrealistic about what is actually happening. That leads to disappointment. Balancing reality and not getting our hopes up allows us to maintain our current level of happiness, which is not a bad thing. At least it's not a level of happiness that's below our current level. That would be a bad thing. Now, expectations by themselves aren't bad. Sometimes having an expectation can help you set goals in order to achieve your desired outcome or just to keep you focused. I think where we run into issues is when our expectations don't match up with what is actually achievable. Because of this, it's important to manage expectations as you head into a reinvention journey. But how Well? That is what I'm here to talk to you about.

Speaker 1: 4:00

I did a little research about the science of expectations. In an article on VeryWellcom. It states expectations are what we think will happen, while reality is what actually transpires. While we hope these two will match up, they often don't. This disparity of expectations versus reality can often lead to feelings of discontentment and unhappiness.

Speaker 1: 4:20

It seems like the basis of expectations is about being reasonable and realistic. Sometimes that means putting yourself in someone else's shoes to do so. It's always nice to dream big, but honestly, if you don't want to set yourself up to be disappointed, you'll want to be honest with yourself about what you want and what can actually happen. According to PsychCentralcom, there are seven ways to set realistic expectations. Realistic expectations are essential because if you aren't realistic, you're just setting yourself up for failure. That isn't fun. Making expectations achievable is a great way to set yourself up to achieve what you're setting out to do.

Speaker 1: 4:54

The first way to set realistic expectations is to determine expectations early on in the process. This helps you choose the right direction, set the pace for what you're doing and hold yourself accountable to meeting those expectations. The next step is learning to let go, without ignoring your emotions. It's important to let go when things don't really go the way you wanted them to. It's okay to be upset. You should acknowledge your feelings as you work through what happened and where things went sideways.

Speaker 1: 5:20

Next, practice positive self-talk. Most of us are really harsh with ourselves, way harsher than we would be to somebody else. Think about it. Does your inner self deserve that? Why wouldn't you treat yourself as kindly as you would treat a friend? Positive self-talk can help you shift your mindset into one that will help you accomplish your goals. Some people find it helpful to keep a positive self-talk journal to reinforce positive self-talk.

Speaker 1: 5:44

Whatever works for you, give yourself time and grace. Things don't always go as planned and sometimes pivoting and adjusting timelines is part of the process. Adjust your deadlines if needed, and don't be rigid when it comes to expectations. Do you ever focus on what you've already accomplished? That's a great tip for setting realistic expectations. Think of all that you've already achieved, and this can help you with that positive mindset. This goes along with the next tip, which is to appreciate what you already have. It's so easy to focus on where you want to go without considering what you are fortunate to have right now. If you can bring yourself into the moment, you'll be able to appreciate all the good things that you have. Focusing on the present is a great way to feel empowered about ways you've already achieved expectations. The last tip is building confidence. When you're confident, you can overcome challenges that are thrown your way. It also helps you set realistic expectations, as you're aware of what you're capable of.

Speaker 1: 6:37

The human brain is a complicated thing, isn't it? We want things, but just because we want it doesn't mean it will automatically happen. That's something called magical thinking. It's something that children grow out of, but sometimes, as adults, we still find ourselves engaging in magical thinking. As humans, we sometimes struggle with letting go of the idea that, just because we want it, we can bring it to life. Some might say that manifesting is a form of magical thinking. I actually believe that our thoughts do have an impact on our realities. Can they magically make things happen, though? Likely, your thoughts will propel you towards actions, which will then support your outcome. Thoughts are powerful. However, if you want to achieve anything, you got to do the work.

Speaker 1: 7:16

I just read this quote recently. I think it originated in 12-step programs. It's expectations are premeditated resentments. When you expect something to happen based on what is happening in your head rather than the more objective world outside your head, you're following the thought process that if you expect something to happen, you can make it happen. Well, guess what? You can't always make it happen. That's magical thinking. Following along those lines, we hope for something and tie it into expectations and, in turn, our own happiness. Yes, fulfilling our expectations might make us happy, but sometimes life throws you a curveball. You don't meet expectations and then realize that the pivot was actually the important part of the process and things actually turned out differently than what you expected, but with a great result. Life can be funny that way.

Speaker 1: 8:01

Here's something that you may not have considered when it comes to expectations, they can actually reduce gratitude. When your expectations go beyond what is realistically possible, it often prevents you from appreciating the things you do have. Gratitude is about appreciating what you have. Today, with the constant imagery that humans are bombarded with thanks to social media, it's so easy to compare yourself to others and think you don't measure up. Certainly, most people are not posting their worst moments in life for you to view. Instead, they share an often carefully curated showcase of their life. If you're feeling down and then comparing yourself to one of the high points in someone's life as viewed through the filtered lens of social media, you're certainly not going to feel positive. Most people don't even think about how mismatched that comparison actually is. They just see it, feel it, and it is very stressful and very detrimental to their mental health.

Speaker 1: 8:50

Managing expectations really involves knowing who you are and seeking happiness based on yourself first. If you and I were sitting having coffee and chatting about expectations, that's the first thing I would say. Seek happiness based on yourself and not external factors. I would say be grateful for all the good things you have in your life. Try your best to avoid comparing yourself to other people. You never know what's actually going on in someone's life and in someone's head, no matter how glittery things look from the outside.

Speaker 1: 9:16

When things don't go the way you hoped for and your expectations don't meet your reality, practice accepting your emotions. It's okay to feel frustrated or disappointed. Things happen. Beating yourself up is pointless and tomorrow's a new day. I think. For me, learning how to appreciate what I actually have has been an ongoing exercise. If you're an overachiever who is constantly pushing for better, this is a tough one. Stopping to appreciate who you are and what you have is sometimes the key to moving forward. Sometimes, letting go is all you can do. Here's hoping that, if you let go, that it ends up being a positive part of your journey in the long run, Because, after all, at the end of all this, it's the journey that's most important. As always, thank you for listening. I appreciate you. Until next time.