Navigating Loss During Reinvention

What happens when reinvention leads to loss? And how do you deal with it?
 I'm Julie Basello and this episode is a raw look at reinvention through the lens of loss, a theme too many of us are intimately familiar with. Whether it's the heartache of divorce, the grief of losing a loved one, or the shock of a sudden job loss, these life-altering events can catapult us into the whirlwind of change. We discuss how these involuntary transformations, while incredibly tough, can lead to profound growth and an unexpected new path. And we also discuss the people we lose during these types of transformations.

As we navigate the tides of transformation, we also shed light on the relational shifts that often accompany personal metamorphosis. It's a complex dance of evolving identities where friendships and partnerships may either evolve or dissolve. This episode peels back the layers of why these changes occur and how to journey through them. Join us as we share not just the inspiring tales, but the messy, gut-wrenching ones too, offering a beacon of hope for anyone holding on through their own storm of change.

To contact Julie Basello email juliebasello@gmail.com or visit http://www.juliebasello.com

Transcript

Julie Basello: 0:03

Have you ever wanted to start over, to reinvent yourself? Reinvention is something we all do at some point in our lives. Sometimes it's simple, sometimes it's complicated, but it's often necessary to lead a fulfilling life, and it's always interesting. I'm your host, julie Bicello. Join me for some inspiration as I share reinvention stories, tips and tricks from real people just like you. Let's explore reinvention adventures together. Hey, it's Julie.

Julie Basello: 0:32

Welcome to another episode of Reinvention Adventures, the podcast where we explore the incredible journeys of individuals who have embarked on the path of self-discovery and transformation. Your reinvention could be a personal one or a professional one. Either way, you're in the right place. In between interviews that share reinvention stories, I include episodes that focus on reinvention tips, and these are episodes that focus on different things that may be a factor in a reinvention journey. When it comes to reinvention, there are a lot of layers, and it's helpful to really look at the might-happens and the what-ifs before the process and also as you go through the process Before we begin.

Julie Basello: 1:07

This podcast episode is sponsored by Bicello Media. Bicello Media is my content creation company that supports small businesses with their content needs. Websites, social media, podcasting all require content, and Bicello Media can help your small business navigate the process. We also edit and produce podcasts for small businesses. If you find yourself short on content or want to reinvent yourself with a new podcast for your brand, let's talk. For more information, visit juliebicellocom.

Julie Basello: 1:36

And now let's dive into this episode's topic in our reinvention toolkit. That topic is navigating loss on the reinvention journey. I like to think of reinvention as a happy and inspired choice, but before you and I explore loss during reinvention journeys, it's important to note that every reinvention journey is not a happy, positive and inspiring choice. Some journeys are forced upon us. Things like divorce, death of someone close to you or being fired at work are all examples of life circumstances that force us into a life that looks different and is filled with changes. Every reinvention journey is going to involve tons of change, but when you aren't actively choosing a reinvention, you may mentally approach most of those changes like a toddler, kicking and screaming on the floor because you didn't get the toy you wanted. Of course, I speak for myself there, but hey, if you are listening to this, you may be a kindred spirit who understands exactly what I mean. When the journey is something you really have to navigate because there is no other option, it makes things a little more challenging. Impossible no, nothing really ever is impossible. Inspiring? Not really, at least not while you're in it. But the only way out is through in these instances, and if the only way out is through, there are going to be difficult moments and ones where you're struggling. Before I actually approach this episode's topic, I did want to be clear that what I'm discussing with you today about loss is not just for those inspirational reinvention adventures. It's also for those messy, harrowing and gut-wrenching ones too, where you're hanging on for dear life as you navigate through a set of crazy, insane circumstances.

Julie Basello: 3:08

As you navigate your path of reinvention, it's not uncommon to experience a shift in your relationships. This shift can manifest itself in various ways, from growing apart from friends to experiencing the end of significant relationships, and even in the best-case scenario of a reinvention journey, you're going to lose people. Why do you think that is? I, of course, have my theories on this. Let's explore why this happens and how to navigate this aspect of the ReInvention journey. One of the first reasons I think of as to why this happens is when you have a change in alignment based on having new perspectives on things. It creates some distance between you and the others who have been in your life. At its very core, reinvention is not just about becoming a better version of yourself. It's about embracing change, and when you decide to reinvent yourself, you're essentially embarking on a journey of self-discovery and growth, and this journey often involves reflecting on your values, your beliefs, your goals, and sometimes you start to realize that the people around you may not align with your new perspectives, priorities, change and factors that once made a relationship strong and connected may no longer be present. Sometimes that means letting go of people or relationships that no longer align with your newfound path. It can be difficult and it can be sad, but sometimes life events are difficult and sad, and ReInvention is no exception.

Julie Basello: 4:22

When you undergo a ReInvention, you often gain clarity about your true self and what matters most to you. This can result in a reevaluation of your relationships, and sometimes you start to realize that certain connections are no longer serving you, or at least not serving you positively or supporting your new direction. By the same token, you and your new self may not productively serve others as you may have in the past. This isn't a one-way street. After all, there are some common signs that a relationship may not be aligning with your ReInvention journey. One-way signs is a growing disconnect with the person or people involved. Your conversations may become less engaging or meaningful and you might notice that your interests and priorities no longer overlap. Additionally, if you feel judged, unsupported or criticized for your new path, those are all signs that the relationship is struggling to adapt to your transformation.

Julie Basello: 5:07

The best way to handle relationship shifts during a ReInvention journey is to focus on communication. Communication is key in just about every aspect of life, so, of course, it's key in this instance as well. It's important to have open and honest conversations with those involved, expressing your feelings and explaining the changes you're experiencing. However, it's also crucial to understand that not everyone will understand or support your transformation, and that's okay. It's unfortunate when this happens, especially when you really care about someone, but life is a journey and it's filled with changes, and those changes need to be navigated. It's also important to surround yourself with individuals who lift you up and encourage your growth. So what's the best way to navigate this when it happens? I think you have to remind yourself that your journey of ReInvention is really personal and valid, and if you surround yourself with a support network of people that understand and encourage your growth. That will be a positive thing. Focus on nurturing relationships that align with your new values and goals and give yourself permission to let go of those that no longer serve your path or whose path you no longer serve. It doesn't have to be a big blow up or anything dramatic. Sometimes you and the other person will quietly disconnect.

Julie Basello: 6:12

The journey of ReInvention can be challenging. Be kind to yourself throughout the process when it's a messy, difficult ReInvention. There are a lot of emotions involved that make it really difficult to navigate. One example of a ReInvention circumstance filled with emotion is divorce. I do know some people who have amicably divorced a partner and coexisted and co-parented successfully. I don't know many people who have done that, though. Most of the people I know who are divorced carry some negative emotions around the relationship they had with their former partner. They work through them, but it takes time and it takes doing the work, and there are many facets to be worked through.

Julie Basello: 6:47

In addition to all the emotional havoc of a divorce or a significant breakup, what is also difficult to navigate is losing some of the other relationships that existed while the union existed. Sometimes choices have to be made that are difficult ones to make. You can love your ex-partner's family, yet still choose to separate yourself, and it isn't a choice that is made just for you, even though you may be viewed as selfish. When you try to maintain a relationship with someone who is your ex-partner's family member, you're also creating a difficult situation, potentially for that family member. That person, or those people, are now put in the middle of a situation, and that just isn't fair to them either. At some point, one or the other may choose to separate themselves from the relationship, not because they don't care, but because they do care. I'm going to get a little personal here for a second.

Julie Basello: 7:31

When I was married and for about four years after I was divorced, I was very close to my ex-mother-in-law. During my marriage, my husband and I went to dinner with her every week and invited her to join us for all kinds of activities, especially after my father-in-law died. After her son and I got divorced, she and I continued to be close and to still meet for dinner and talk on the phone. I realized that she was being put in the middle and it was creating issues. At the start, though, I selfishly wanted to continue my relationship with her, because I felt like I had already lost everything else. She was the one constant that remained. My own mother had died about four months before my ex-husband and I split, and my step-daughters are great humans, but they were coming into adulthood at this point and they had their own lives and their own things going on.

Julie Basello: 8:10

I had mentioned my dilemma to a friend of mine and what she said to me stuck with me. She said point blank it doesn't matter how much you care about your ex's family, that is his family and not yours. You're the one who has to walk away to maintain peace in a situation that becomes conflicting. She wasn't wrong, but it was a really difficult thing for me to do. It bothered me for a lot of years, but I felt that this was doing the right thing for the right reasons, and it wasn't just about me. My ex-mother-in-law passed away a short time ago. I guess I've been grieving the loss of that relationship for a few years now, and now I'm grieving the loss in a different way. I loved her very much. Rest in peace, choice.

Julie Basello: 8:47

I think anytime you're experiencing a loss of a relationship that meant something to you, there's always going to be sadness. Doing the right thing for others and for yourself is not always easy or pleasant, and a lot of the time it's filled with second guessing and sadness. Just because it feels uncomfortable, though, doesn't mean it was the wrong thing At the end of the day. Losing relationships from your life, regardless of the reason or circumstances, can be challenging. These losses are things that have to be worked through and grieved, like any loss.

Julie Basello: 9:13

Part of the process of reinvention is loss Loss of some people in your life, but also a loss of who you used to be as you move towards your new self and your new circumstances. Navigating all these things isn't easy, but your people will be there for you, and I'm here for you too. Hopefully, these little bits of advice can help you along your journey. As I wrap up this episode of Reinvention Adventures, I want to remind you that your journey is unique and, as you reinvent yourself, have faith in the process. Own your emotions, even when they aren't pleasant. Embrace your journey of transformation and remember you're capable of remarkable reinvention.

Julie Basello: 9:47

If you have a reinvention story you'd like to share or a topic you'd like me to explore in a future episode, please reach out to me. My contact information is in the show notes. As one last note, this episode is dedicated to Joyce, who I mentioned earlier. She impacted my life in many wonderful ways. When you make a difference to others, that is truly a life well lived. Thank you for listening. I appreciate you Until next time. This podcast is sponsored by Bacello Media, a boutique content creation agency supporting the marketing efforts of businesses through visual, written and audio content. If you'd like to contact me, my email is in the show notes. You can also find me on Instagram at Reinvention Adventures podcast or Bacello Media. If you enjoyed this episode and you'd like to help support this podcast, please share it with your tribe. Giving a rating and review is also appreciated. Thanks for listening to this episode of Reinvention Adventures.